thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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