how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize