you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
