when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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