How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
