So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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