every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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