is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
