i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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