cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize