Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
