I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
