I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize