honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
