may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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