So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
