i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
