If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
