I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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