Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize