Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
