All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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