my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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