Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
