please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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