I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
