Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
