we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
