We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
