my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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