My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
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