Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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