he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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