In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
