Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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