My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
