my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
