it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
