You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
This baby is an asshole
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
