The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
