I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
