i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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