well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
