new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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