I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize