Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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