high people should be assigned attendants
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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