glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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