Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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