he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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