I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize