I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
