i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Dicks are not precious.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
