Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize