There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Bang-toberfest begins!!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
