She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
How does one acquire holy water?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
