he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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