i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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