Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
