it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
