i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize