This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
