I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
