im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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