Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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