shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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