He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
