The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
