dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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