i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
