I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
