the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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