It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize