first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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