This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
