Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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