it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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