Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
