now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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