I am in a vortex of obligation.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
