Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
