I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
