I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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