It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
