she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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