I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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