worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
