SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
