I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
