Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i've created a new STD.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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