I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
