YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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