Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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