I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize