Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
