he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
