The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
