Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
