he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
