I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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