Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
