I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
