The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
