So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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