Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
