He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize