I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
