Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize