What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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