they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
