wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
