If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
